Now that I am sitting down to write something in order to
get this blog up to date, I find myself at once having both everything and
nothing to say. When I first think about it, I feel like nothing really has
happened lately. But in fact, the past 3 months have been busier than ever.
Right after the malaria event that I last posted about, I left site for 5
weeks, which I spent in South Africa, Botswana and Zambia (to take the GMAT
exam and then have a vacation with my family), then in Tana for my Mid-Service
Conference and to take care of some medical appointments. Then when I returned
to site the first week of June, I jumped back into my main work project, as
well as worked on preparations for the GLOW (girl’s leadership) camp that I am
putting together with some other volunteers in the region. I also worked with
my language tutor to develop a listing of words in the Antesaka dialect of
Malagasy (the dialect spoken in my area) for inclusion in a new edition of the
Malagasy-English dictionary. At the end of June, I went up to Fianar for a
small Peace Corps training and to meet with my boss at the Coldis office there,
then I returned south for our thrice-yearly regional volunteer meeting (VAC;
it’s a boring acronym that I won’t waste your time with), which for the Sud Est
was held in Sandrohy, a neighboring town of my fellow volunteer Nick’s site. We
chose Sandrohy because our previous 3 regional gatherings had been held in
bigger towns, and so for this one, we decided that we wanted some outdoorsy
fun. Nick and Rory, our Sud Est regional leader, put together an amazing
weekend of camping and hiking in the gorgeous mountains surrounding Sandrohy.
We all arrived at Nick’s site on a Friday, biked 14km into the countryside
where we had lunch and chilled out at a waterfall, then biked another 2km
further into the countryside, imbibed some fresh coconut water, and hiked an
hour through rice fields and up into the mountains to our camp site, which was
breathtakingly situated on the top of a mountain with 360-degree views. (The
sunrises were epic.) We camped for two nights, enjoyed lots of s’mores and ate
rice and beans way more than we wanted to, and then on Sunday hiked back down
the mountain, which, because it had rained the previous night, was muddy enough
to make me fall slam-down on my tailbone no less than 5 times. Even though I
was in pain, I still had to bike back, so I did some awkward yoga and
stretching in Nick’s friend’s house, then hopped on my bike for the 16km back
to Nick’s house. And then 17 of us squeezed into a taxi-brousse (with 14 bikes
strapped to the top) back to Manakara, which ended up being the most
entertaining brousse ride I’ve ever had.
Since getting back to site after VAC, I’ve been a busy bee
working on my SSI (Sustainable Spices Initiative) project for Coldis, and
biking a ton in order to get back in shape and lose the weight I put on
indulging in all the good food in South Africa. The first week of July, I
traveled 58km south to Manambondro to introduce the SSI project to the clove
farmers there, which was the last of 3 countryside towns that I had to visit.
Then I biked to Matanga (Leo’s site) to work with his counterpart on the SSI project,
and also fit in an amazing 4th of July party that included an indescribably
good Southern feast of pulled pork, sweet potatoes, and pseudo-collard greens,
plus a dance party featuring lots of Robyn songs and a techno remix of “America
the Beautiful”. I’ve never felt so patriotic. Then, after a few days at home I
left site once again to go to Manakara for the training on sustainable clove
farming that I’ve been putting together, then went 160km further north (100km
of it by bike!) to Mananjary for a GLOW camp meeting that weekend. After the
camp meeting I got back to site, finished writing the training guide for the
clove farmers, then returned to Manakara this past weekend for a going away
party for my fellow volunteer Meghan, who has finished her service and is about
to head home to America. Just when I think I’m going to have a quiet few months
at site, all of a sudden I’m busier than ever.
Now that I’ve been at site for more than a year, I’m
watching the months tick away and comparing things to how they were in 2012,
when I was brand new to Vangaindrano and still figuring out how to exist here.
I spent pretty much my entire first month suffering from shock (at the drastic
change in living conditions from the training center) and anxiety (over the
terrible rat problem in my house). It took me a full 3 months to really feel tamana (settled and at-home) in my
house, and because I just didn’t feel comfortable in my town or my home, I
spent a significant amount of time socializing with other volunteers in
Farafangana, which is my banking town. Now, by contrast, I am hesitant to spend
too many weekends away from site. As much as I enjoy socializing, I am
extremely comfortable where I live, and I no longer feel like I have to escape.
I have my neighborhood kids who come over to draw pictures and color, my little
garden that is a never-ending project, my very comfortable backyard hammock
that is a perfect reading spot, and still plenty of areas in town that I want
to spend more time exploring on my bike. I’ve also become much more integrated
with people in my community, which is probably the most rewarding aspect of my
Peace Corps service to date. Last year on Vingt-Six (June 26; the Malagasy
Independence Day), I was still fairly new to site, and was bewildered about
what to do with myself, so I sort of wandered around town trying to figure out
how to celebrate the holiday. But by contrast, for this year’s Vingt-Six, I
wasn’t worried about what to do. I went to visit my neighbors, then went to
watch the town parade with some of their kids, before inviting them over to my
house to drink juice and paint our nails. (I also had an unfortunate incident
where I was served a plate of potato salad by my neighbor that was covered in
raw egg, and I was pretty much forced to eat it. My GI system was not
especially pleased about that.) Still, even though I’m finding myself much more
integrated and comfortable here than I was a year ago, some things haven’t
changed. I still relish being able to close my door at the end of the day and
inhabit my own little world until bedtime, free from inquisitive kids and
prying neighbors who always ask where I am going, what I am doing, what did I
buy at the market. And even though I am accustomed to living without western luxuries, I am still longing for the day when I will once again own a
refrigerator and be able to take a hot shower.
So now here I am, with just over 8 months left in my Peace
Corps service. I’m beginning to give away unneeded clothing and household items
to neighbors and new volunteers, and I’m continually patching my two ratty
pairs of jeans because I can’t justify buying a new pair this late in my
service. Since I’ve already been here for 17 months, being here for 8 more
doesn’t seem like long. But lately when I talk to friends and family, I’m
hearing reactions along the lines of “you’re STILL there?”... or, “you don’t
come home until May 2014? But that’s still so far away!” As I wrote about in a
previous post, time passes in the Peace Corps both at a snail’s pace and at
warp speed. You could be bemoaning the fact that you still have over a year
left, and then all of a sudden you get busy with a project and realize that you
only have a few months left. For me, the next 8 months will undoubtedly go
quickly, but not until I get through the months of August, September, and
October, which will be chock-full of work on my primary and secondary projects.
After that, with 2014 in close range, it will really start to feel like the
end.
Being in my final 1/3rd of service has made me
understand why so many PCVs extend their service for the optional third year,
because I’m just now beginning to experience the fear of returning to America
after working so hard to integrate and establish a life in Madagascar. For the
longest time I kept thinking that I couldn’t wait to get back to my life in the
US. But just recently I had a lightbulb
moment when I realized that actually, I don’t have that life anymore. I gave up
my apartment and left my job, and NYC will probably be so changed by the time I
get back that I’ll feel like a newcomer. Friends have moved away, and it seems
like everyone I know is moving in with a significant other/getting
engaged/getting married/having babies. And where does that leave me? I, too,
want to grow and move further into adulthood, but I can’t—yet. I feel slightly
stifled and stunted, knowing that I need to make some serious life adjustments
when I get back, but unable to do anything about it from here. It’s bizarre and
scary to think that I have no idea where I will be living or what I will be
doing a year from now. I’m still
planning to apply to business schools, but what if I don’t get into a good
school, or get enough financial aid to be able to afford it? And if I decide to
go back to work instead after Peace Corps, how on earth can I look for a job
all the way from Madagascar? As someone who has always thrived on looking forward
and planning ahead, it’s extremely scary to legitimately have no idea where I
will be this time next year.
Right now, the best thing that I can do is continue focusing
on my work projects to make sure that I finish my service feeling fulfilled. I
know that if I think too much about life-after-Peace Corps, I’ll go a little
bit crazy, so I’m trying to balance my need to plan and prepare with the
necessity of focusing on my work here and living in the present. Luckily, I have
enough work projects and travel plans to keep me busy, and I’m sure that by the
time my COS conference rolls around, I’ll be thinking “but I need more time! I’m
not ready to leave!”
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