A month in the countryside

Cute little neighbor cow.

It’s now been just over a month since I officially moved out of New York, and it’s hard to believe how much my life has changed in just a short period of time. I’ve given up my apartment in a Manhattan doorman building, my fancy gym membership and my other NYC luxuries like delivered groceries and dry cleaning, and I’ve traded it all in for bucolic pastures, beautiful lake sunsets, and quiet solitude in my parents’ house in the Vermont countryside. The night I arrived I walked outside to stare at the sky for a while—it was like I’d forgotten that the sky could have that many stars.

The actual move and subsequent unpacking was difficult and trying—as all moves are, yes, but this one had the added component of packing up 7 years of my NYC life, and putting things into boxes that I may not open up for years. I was too busy and overwhelmed to really focus on getting rid of any possessions before moving, so that became my project during the 5 vacation days I took before officially starting to work remotely. I wasn’t expecting that part to be so difficult or time consuming, but I was faced with a monumental amount of stuff acquired through jobs that gifted me with clothes, CDs, or kitchenware, as well as a tendency to want to save everything. The extent of my collection never fully hit me until now, but once I got everything unloaded from the truck and brought in the house, I suddenly felt liberated enough to start getting rid of things right and left. I donated about 1/3 of my clothes to a local charity shop, and I sifted through mountains of papers and cooking magazines to select only things that were truly necessary to save. Old tax returns and credit card statements from 3 years ago went into the woodstove in our garage, magazines were cherrypicked only for the recipes I really wanted and then sent to recycling, and although it pained me as a true environmentalist, many things went in the trash.  I also spent  a good deal of time going through all the things I had kept in my bedroom at home and that never made it to New York with me—photo albums, yearbooks, letters and more. Things got painful when I’d happen across something and embarrassing or regretful memories came up, and I realized that essentially going through your life’s possessions is a process that’s riddled with landmines; memory bombs that go off when you least expect it. I cringed when I read clippings of the music column I wrote for my school newspaper— “I wrote that?” I’d think to myself, groaning. “What must my professors have thought?” 

But undertaking this process also brought a tremendous sense of unburdening; a lightening of my life’s load that I knew I needed but had always been too afraid to do. It was almost like I needed the permission to get rid of things, and my potential Peace Corps deployment brought that. Even though I’m still not sure if I’m going to  be invited yet, in terms of my possessions I’m acting as though I’m in. Because even if I don’t end up going, I know I needed this paring down of my life in order to make the fresh start I need, whatever shape it may take.

After that solid week of sifting through absolutely everything in my life, I’ve just about finished. My bedroom finally became habitable, and save for a few piles of bags and papers that I need to finish dealing with, I essentially feel like I’ve completed it and can get on with my summer.  I also spent 2 weeks traveling at the end of May, visiting a client in San Francisco, friends and family in LA, and then spent 10 days in New York to get some face time with my colleagues at the office. It was unbelievably weird to be back in NYC just a few weeks after moving, but not actually be living there. I was cat-sitting for a friend and staying in her downtown apartment while she was out of the country, and it felt so strange to not have a NYC home base.  In general, I feel like my life is in limbo right now, and it’s a strange feeling to have. But I am fortunate that I have a roof over my head and plenty to keep myself busy with while I wait for Peace Corps to finally give me an answer.

An update there: everyone keeps asking me if I’ve heard from Peace Corps yet, and the answer is no. But what I did hear is that I am medically cleared for service—yay! This means my appeal worked and I am no longer medically deferred. So now that I’ve been medically cleared, my file is off to the placement office for the final review. I’m nervous and anxious about this because it’s the last part. Also, I’ve been hearing some rumblings on various other Peace Corps applicant blogs that programs have been cut for 2011 due to federal budget woes, and some people who are getting invitations to serve right now are getting them for April 2012 placements! What will I do with myself from September to April if that happens to me? But I guess I really can’t worry about it until I actually know something.

Finally, a friend of mine sent me an email with something that really resonated with me in regards to this giant life change I’m making. I know I will take a beating from some people about posting this, but what she sent me was a quote from Oprah from her last show (I know, I know). Make fun of me if you want, but her words sum up exactly why I am embarking on this journey, and I felt heartened when I read it. What she said was:

“Your real job in life is to figure out what your calling is, and then do it…. Start embracing the life that is calling you, and use your life to serve the world…. Take responsibility for your life... You are responsible for the energy you create for yourself and the energy you bring to others.”

Ultimately, this is exactly why I am applying to become a Peace Corps volunteer. I need to start embracing the life that is calling me.